The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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