I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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