Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
