Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
