There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Randomize
