Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
