I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
