If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
