You're earring is so big in my mouth
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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