physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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