hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
