Is it because I queefed?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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