the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
