So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize