Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Boobs speak an international language.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
