btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
i love accidental penises.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
