I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
i think i have herpe
just one?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
