Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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