You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
