the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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