The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Rumble strips road head = magical
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
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