so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
