The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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