I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
