Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
