There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
