What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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