Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Randomize
