I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
