pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Found your dick twin last night
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
