My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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