I think I am morally bankrupt
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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