I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
