i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
