we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
How does one acquire holy water?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
