my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
