I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize