yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
