She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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