The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
