oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Randomize