All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
