All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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