On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
