oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize