porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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