dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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