is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
