Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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