have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
