No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Randomize
