the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Randomize
