he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
