First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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