I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
