why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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