that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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