my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Come on in and take your pants off
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