I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Let's get the cat blown out
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
