i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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