why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I have post one night stand depression
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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