god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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