i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
