We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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