somebody snuck up and got me drunk
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
