for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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