i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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