im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
We don't watch enough power rangers
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
