i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
me + whiskey = a bad person
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
