I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
