woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
