wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
